yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
