it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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