woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
