I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
