I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
...so i touched it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
