He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
