if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
