All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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