Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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