Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
