I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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