uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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