Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bring money and cleavage
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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