I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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