How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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