I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
