i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
