Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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