Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
