He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mom said you looked used
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
