i don't like sucking hair
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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