I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
