I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize