she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
