my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
