Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
