dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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