I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
