Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
