hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
