Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
