my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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