Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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