I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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