wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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