My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
