Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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