well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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