I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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