Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
