are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
