I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize