I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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