we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
