Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
