I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
