jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I smell stomach acid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
