I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
