we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
