So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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