I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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