He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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