My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
