Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
