I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
