Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
