he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize