so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
