Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
