you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
