Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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