ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
