the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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