But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
