woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
