Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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