Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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