i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
