I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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