Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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