drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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