You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
