my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
