im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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