Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do herpes really smell.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
