We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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