Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
