dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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