dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
