I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
