if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
