You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
