its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
