hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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