she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
