Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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