normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
