Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
