i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
