singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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