we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
