Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
