There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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