You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
