i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
