All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
