he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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