Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She needs sedatives and a leash
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
