All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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