Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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