my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize