I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We got so high we made milksteak
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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