dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
