quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize